I have for a while now been wanting to start a blog that includes some personal stuff so you can all get to know me and why I love doing what I do. I am no writer, I just talk way to much in my head and have been going back and forth about blogging it for WAY to long now. And who knows , maybe some of you can relate.
(Dis-closer I want to start out by saying I love my family to death)
I am not where I want to be yet , but I am on the way. That is the drive in me, I know I can be more and my business will be more but you guys I am so grateful for the success that I have now. I have already learned so much and gone through so many trials with my business that even during the hard times I am so grateful they happened. I have been able to grow more each and every month! This has been hard , so much unseen work goes into growing my business and not giving up on me and caving into self doubt. A big thing that has helped me grow is investing in myself. That sounds so silly to write but it is so true. I get stuck so easily.
I moved out the day after graduation. My home life during High school was hard, my childhood was not easy but that is another story. I was in such a negative environment . I was constantly being brought down. I was not perfect but I was a little girl trying to find herself being told horrible things day after day. It got to a point where if I came home my step mom left . I felt like it was better if I was not home , because then maybe they would be happy. We got into physical fights but honestly the verbal abuse crushed me. As a senior I started to loose feeling, its like I was going numb to the world, but I never showed it to the outside world much. I am by nature a happy person and have always tried to find the light in things. My mom is a recovered alcoholic, and you guys I am so proud of her! I struggle with telling that part of my story because I am so proud of her and don`t want her to ever think differently and now she is my best friend. I don`t know what I would do if she was not around. In high school she was not there much especially mentally. So I felt so lost when it came to the examples and the love I was receiving from my mother roles. My dad was always my rock but during these times I don`t think he knew what to do , or how to helped and he kind of checked out when things where bad. So I felt alone. But this drove me. I was getting away and somehow I would make it on my own, no matter what. I knew that happiness should be there , that this was not going to be the life I was going to live. I knew there was another way to live, even if I could not see it yet.
Today`s podcast I listened to spoke to my heart. They asked , Why do so many people that have achieved a lot seemed to have gone through so much ? “when you walk through trauma, or have a hard childhood there are one of two paths. You are either going to be a victim and let it define you or this will be the leverage you need get to the place you are going” Yes and yes.
I am totally stealing this because it is so so true, I am me because of what I have walked through. If it wasn’t for how my parents struggled , I would not have become the person I am today. I know my parents love me and I love them, but I know this drive of mine would not be here if I didnt walk through some real hell first.
9 Years ago I left home the day after graduation by myself , with hardly a dime after I paid the security deposit and rent. I moved next to a place called “bum park” because that was the ONLY place that would rent to me and for a girl living alone, it was scary. I was not welcome to come home if I had no money for food , or gas and I would not have gone back even if I was. I struggled. But I knew I would make it. I hustled . I worked at least 3 jobs at a time. I bought a camera on credit. I wanted so bad to be a photographer, I knew somehow these people where doing it and they were making a living. I went to the library and read every book , I asked amazing photographers for helped and picked their brains. I then moved to New Mexico so my boyfriend, now husband, could fight. We got married and bought our first home 100% alone. Nothing fancy but from our 420 sq ft apartment to a house that was all ours it was a dream! This was huge because you guys, if we had any money left over in our account after bills I felt like we where living the life, even if it was $10. I opened a studio with another amazing photographer and learned so so much! I was still hustling working full time , substitute teaching AND trying to start and run my studio.
I don not remember a time I was not dreaming . To this day I am still dreaming and it wont stop here. We live in our dream home off of Lake Travis and have a beautiful little Two year old boy.
I no longer have to work three plus jobs, i care for my baby boy and run my photography business that is continuing to grow. A huge part of what helps me is finding ways to keep myself uplifted and going even during hard trails .. and I thank you Jesus for helping me to stay true to me.
So this girl , Rachel Hollis, who I think I would totally be friends if we met because you guys I relate SO MUCH to her . Total embarrassing fan girl status but I think you HAVE to find that motivational speaker, that book , that pastor , that thing that helps you better yourself. I listen to many, many podcasts , they give me courage and motivation to go again, even if it means STARTING over!
Keep finding ways to grow, to find peace, to find happiness.
I love that my story does not define me but has made me grow, that has driven me to become the best I can and continues to motivate me to be better. I pray all of you with hard trails find a way to find peace, motivation and love.