I had vivid dreams last night of parts of my childhood. Just short little clips that made me sit and think of unhappy memories, the parts that I remember every single detail.

I stayed in bed just looking up right there at my ceiling for 40 min or so going in and out of dreams . My son rolled back over and fell asleep . So Up I got at 545 am to make some coffee and start working, but instead my heart was being tugged at, to just write and release these feelings.

My mom was a alcoholic growing up , and it got bad sometimes . I thank God we are all alive because their where times this five, six , ten year old would have to find ways to get us home, or somewhere safe ..

I was about six and crying so hard that for a moment I thought I had the super power to see through the metal bars of our staircase. I remember thinking that so clearly. My eyes where blurred from the tears , I was yelling at him to stop . My moms boyfriend was spanking my three year old brothers naked bottom over and over , it was loud . And his butt was so red.

The moment before this we were home alone, a three and five year old.

We were trying to get our Halloween candy down and we climb up the pantry shelve to reach it when he walked in. I got away to the stairs. Suddenly he finally stopped where he turned to me . I can still feel how hard I was crying how I felt like my feet where flying. He was right behind me as I ran up the stairs got to my room and locked the door. I crawled under bed to the far corner . I was scared but I was always kept on even when I shouldn`t . I yelled at him , that I wish he would disappear.

He told me it was because of him we were there , beat my door for what was probably longest minute of my life and then continued to hate my guts. I fell asleep from the tears under the bed in corner. I dont remember when I came out, I don`t remember my mom coming home. I dont think I ever told anyone about how scary he was until I was much , much older .

My mom stayed with him for a while , we stayed with my dad on the weekends, that was my safe place . This man killed our dog and he would hit my mom . We tried our best to stay away when he mad. Eventually one day he beat my mom so bad he ripped out her hair and beat the living crap out of her.

She promised to leave him .

Long story short , because so much happened while he was there as you can imagine.

We moved with my grandma and grandpa for a bit before going to stay with my dad full time during the trial . My grandpa was the best.

He was always so extra , you want an ice cream Sunday , he topped it with ALL the toppings int the biggest bowl. You want cherries ? He got me a Costco jar. He was that grandpa .

In third grade he passed away .

I remember at the funeral I was so angry. My grandma was already bagging up the house to move , throwing away his stuff . . The memories of him talking about these little things is still right there and so fresh , how could she bag them and just put them in a trash bag?

We now lived with my dad and stayed with my every other weekend.

By now he has met my step mom . My mom has started drinking more and more . I would watch her and know when it was too much and try and keep my brother from her. We would plot ways to get rid of her alcohol . He knew boyfriend was an enabler , so naturally we hated him. He loved getting her wasted and helped he do it.

My step mom was nice at first. She was there from the age five . She was strict. My mom gave us what wanted , I guess out of guilt of being drunk and us not being with her. I chose strict and safe over my moms , because there she would bring us back to see the abusive boyfriend. She would get super drunk and I would be praying we made it back home.

She once freaking forgot us at Mt. Rushmore where she was getting drunk at the bar with bikers, now that is a whole other story on it own…

cross country with my mom , my brother a trailer and alcohol. Could be next novel?

My brother & I

Driving across country with my mom .

Anyways , lets skip ahead .

7th grade we moved to Tucson . I was not happy . I finally had friends at school , I worked so hard to make the 8th grade team softball team as a 7th grader . I sucked at softball , but I practiced EVERY day to be the best . From right field to pitcher and third base was HUGE. I mostly just wanted my dad to be proud and hang out with me . Not the he didn`t , my dad was my rock at the time so I would do anything that made him happy . Sports was something he loved , so I wanted to love them more.

I told my dad I wouldn`t play again if we moved.

And I was stubborn , I didnt try out for the high school team .. but my heart is grateful we moved. I needed to get away from the girls I became friends with . And I met my now husband in High School , so I would say it was meant to be.

And now I am in high school.

and this my friends is when my step mom got, well , extra mean. She was always strict , and moody and a yeller. It was like something just shifted dramatically .

When I needed a woman’s help most she shut me out . Somewhere around this time my mom became wanted , for her zillionth (is that a word?) DUI. She ran for a while before getting caught and going to prison . My great grandma got her off easy she spent less than a year there. But I didnt see much of her for a couple years and I missed her.

We only visited once , I hated seeing her in prison. I honestly didn’t know what to think about it . I was confused , lost but always knew someday I would do something better than all of them .

My mom who wasn’t there , my step-mom who was mean , and all the woman who had a drinking problem in my family .

I would be the FIRST girl in the family to not be an alcoholic . Now it is by Gods grace that I survived. I wish I could say that I was perfect and did it all right and never lost faith .

I was constantly cut down by my step mom , she would call me names like, cunt , bitch , just the worst things as a 15-19 year old. When she was real mad or hurt she knew how to hurt me most , by tellin me I would become nothing like my mom , that I would be just like her. This hurt so bad, even though my mom did these horrible things, I always would protect her , tell her its okay . It also filled me with shame to admit because I didnt want to be that .

It is was like she egged me on until I fought back , and then egg me on to hit back . For two years if I came home she went in her room . I felt like I was ruining their marriage, I felt like if I was not home maybe they were happy .

So I partied with friends , I worked 40hrs while I was in school . I moved to the ghetto at 19 all alone to get away .

Although I lost my way at times, I was 19 alone and lived in a scary spot .

I thank Jesus so much for always being inside my heart and watching out for me . Their were times you guys I could not afford a stupid bean burro at taco bell or to print my homework out at the library .

I just kept fighting , I worked 3-4 jobs at a time always .

My boyfriend and I ,now husband, went through some hard times. Although we both partied , I had a drive to be more. I was the worker bee .

He was just a 19 year old boy , also finding his way . Eventually he convinced me to start fresh with him in New Mexico , not exactly my dream state of choice . After a year we were married . Another year at 23 we bought our first home , with all our savings . I had about 15 W2s , not joke. The lender said he never see many W2s . I really ALWAYs had no less than 2 jobs at a time .

been a hot minute

Hey you guys!

I have been trying to keep my drive going , you know when you hear motivating speakers , podcasts or read that book that just makes you go for it all , do it all ! Wake up at 4am and get work done (this one sucks for me, but I try)

Maybe that`s just me , but I have to KEEP on finding things to motivate me , keep on investing in myself and my spiritual growth. It never ends , I feel like I can always grow. I find my life gets stagnate is when I stop working on my spiritual growth , personal growth, business growth .

I am still learning , I am still working on me. AND that is okay .

I got some big dreams and I am getting there you guys one day at a time.

Some people asked on my IG what I am reading right now and I currently just read, you are a bad ass and why successful woman are successful . Recommend BOTH .

Podcasts at the moment I am listening too are Jenna Kutcher (I am listening to her older ones , because all her commercials are driving me nuts but I still love what shes saying )

I am still rocking the Rachel Hollis podcast as well as Fierce Marriage. ( one of my FAVE marriage podcasts!)

I listen to marriage podcasts as well as read lots of motivation for my marriage BECAUSE that is first for me. I want to grow with my husband and sometimes I know all my personal growth growing and business work can be a lot and I want to make sure I am always devoting time into US.

Without continual growth and progress, such words as improvement, achievement, and success have no meaning. Benjamin Franklin

Keep on Dreamin / Austin Photographer

My alarm went off at 5am today . Boss babes rise early right? Well I hit snooze three times before I got up because my son decided to toss and turn and keep me up last night. Something we are currently struggling with is his obsession and his need and want to fall asleep holding my boob. He was nursed for 19 wonderful but very long months! Now when he gets a night terror , or is in pain or wakes up upset he wants to claw at my shirt and find comfort in holding my chest. Now I must say, this was not tonight’s blog post plan to tell you these details or our nightly struggles. But if you have a toddler or have gone through this GIRL send me your wisdom.

ANYWAYS…

I am here now working AGAIN , because did you know when you are a go getting entrepreneur your job doesn’t end? You have a million jobs. Half of them , no that is a lie, MORE than half of them I am still figuring out. Taxes ? Wait I have to pay them every quarter? Good to know , check…wait where do I send those off to?! SEO , what the heck is that…OH that is why no one finds these blogs of mine, haha . Business plan, you mean booking sessions and then developing and delivering them is not a plan? hmmm .

So how do we moms, and we business building woman keep on going? How in the world do we figure all of this out . How do we roll out of bed and how do we do it again and again.

I don`t know drink more wine?

Caffeine?

Maybe , I am still learning. BUT defiantly find your WHY.

For me I dream. I don`t remember a time I was not dreaming. There were times I got off path , let distractions get in my way. But I always knew I needed and wanted more .There have been times I gave up. I always started back up again though. Well, after I had my mini melt down that things are just not in the cards for me, haha.

I have always been the girl that had three PLUS jobs. When my husband and I got married I told him , I think we should buy a house and then sell it to move. I told him I would not move anywhere unless it was on the water , you guys we live in a lake front home today! Not 100% what I originally thought , but all of my thoughts I sent up above were defiantly involving sun kissed days and water.

When we applied for a loan we went through over 5 different banks, I almost gave up , until finally we GOT APPROVED on our own. We had great credit (which if you know my whole story, this was WORK) but proving our income was hard. I didn’t have a steady income but made decent money and the same with my husband.

You know what our loan man told me ( sorry my mind is blank, what is his proper name?) , he had never in his life met someone who had had so many jobs to prove. We had to go back FIVE years because this was our first home purchase. I had over 20 jobs in that time!!!!! Now I did work steady jobs that I kept but I always picked up seasonal or side hustles. I always had three, minimum two jobs at a time.

SO what is my point , I always had a BIGGER dream. I could not ever settle. My photography dreams are JUST beginning, I have big giant things in my plan.

So tonight , in between my motherly duties , see more than one job ;) , I am still going at it, uploading , writing, cleaning , and hopefully motivating you ladies to do the same, or men but it seems I get more feed back from all the woman out there ;)

BTW boss ladies , I am now using HoneyBook to jump start and get things organized so that in the end I am spending LESS time and not forgetting things. Also helps me with the things I am struggling with like accounting , emails and more! so far I am loving how helpful they are with setting it up for me ! Here is a link with a DISCOUNT so you can test it outhttp://share.honeybook.com/tauni29478

Keep on dreaming,

Tauni Joy

dreamer

Never let it be said that to dream is a waste of one`s time, for dreams are our realities in waiting. In dreams we plant seeds for our future.

How do you do it ladies ?

Good morning ,

I am gearing up for this weekend , its going to kick my butt. But I am so ready to get butt my kicked and start capturing some spring beauties! I have a wedding this Friday , please send some prayers that Texas will move its storm day ! Like seriously , I hope our weather is way wrong , like usual. I also have a sweet newborn that came early yesterday, so I will be meeting her this weekend as well!

So with that , I will probably have a dirty house and laundry for days . How do you ladies do it? Send me your tips! This will be about 25+ hours of work in two days for me not including my editing time (which is HOURS of early morning work) ! My vision board has a cleaning service coming out twice a week , but until then send me your tips for working , toddlers and messy hubs hahaha!

I get wonderful chemical free cleaning products sent my way (that I LOVE) , but I need tips to put them to use!

Anyways , today my husband works in the evening so he is playing with Oaklee while I catch up on saying HELLO to you all , sending out emails and creating a checklist for this weekend.

Hope you all are having a motivated Monday , #mondaygrind

Till next time friends ,

Tauni Joy

Valentine , oh valentine !

Oh hey there Valentine .

Anyone else up before sunrise and your valentines are up? It takes 21 days to start a habit right ? I have been struggling to be constant with getting up , but I feel so much better when I start my day not rushed and with my devotions and motivations! I have been waking up early listening to my favorite girl bosses like a crazy person BEFORE my family gets up. I wanted to get in some quite time before valentine fun got started! I know almost everyone reading this can relate to much needed quite time !

I usually go a little crazy EACH holiday , like even St.Patricks day , I think I get that from my mom . Every year she would send us little gifts no matter what holiday , even my husband would get excited for her mail to come in! I dont mean I spend like crazy get huge gifts , but ya little sweet treats and home-made notes . Heart shirts? Heck YES!

I just love the excitement and the sweet little gestures, they go a long way . This year I did not go pintrest craycray with valentines day, it was tempting I will not lie! I am trying to be more intentional with my time , so sorry pintrest that means I have to cut down on the scrolling ! Also big dreams means big time saving and cutting back , so this year Oaklee and I picked out the cutest little dino valentines at THE DOLLAR store! (We did have a five minute talk and some little dino tears where shed about why he could not have all the dinos , oh the struggles of being two) I also found cute mini paddle boards and tiny boxs with stickers in them! I decided no candy , for the sake of his teacher. Then I found this cute little notebook for his sweet teacher! I made and printed the little tag!

SO easy , so cute!

This valentines day , whether its your thing or not I hope you feel loved !I also hope you love to stop and smell ALL the flowers like my sour patch boy . He also likes to force mongo (his brother with fur) to smell the roses .

Some of my fave podcast right now are

RISE podcast By Rachel Hollis And The Goal Digger Podcast by Jenna Kutcher

Thanks Ya`ll

Tauni Joy Photography

Hump Day

I was reminded that we are mid through the week , and hey its hump day. Actually the sweetest little elder cashier said to my husband and I , well ya`ll its hump day! I love when you get the those little encounters from people that brighten your day , reminds me that I need to remember to be that person . To stop and say hello.

I hope you all stop for a second today , breath and think of all the positive things that have happened. Even in the worst of days there is something to be grateful for. That is something I am working on daily. Because nothing is bigger than HIM.

I tend to let 10000000 million to do`s enter my mind all at once and I tend to not stop. And in that moment I let myself feel as if their no end, that I can not reach that goal , that BIG goal because I have too many things in my way . You guys it took me a while to figure this out, and yes I am still learning. I would focus on everything all at once and at the end of the day feel utterly defeated like I did nothing . Even if I did A LOT , I felt like I was growing in no direction because I wasn’t. I learned I was not putting my focus on one thing at a time, I was not setting the right amount time in the areas that would help me grow.

There are days I fail, days that life happens and I let my big to do list feel too far to reach, but then in that moment I feel those thoughts I remind myself , I can do it and I am doing it , close my eyes and realize I got this.

With that Happy Hump Day everyone, finish the week stronger than ever! And hey keep following , I have the most exciting news about Tauni Joy photography , the traveling Photojunkie ( thats me in case you ended up here on accident) that is coming out before the year ends!

Till next time!

Gratitude for dinner

Here at my house I dropped the ball on dinner tonight , it was chicken taquitos .Hey , they are all natural from whole foods that counts for something , right? I did however get my toddler to clean his mess , win. Get him bathed, and get 90% of his knotted hair out. I even pre packed his lunch for MDO tomorrow , I am horrible and usually do this rushed in am!! So tonight as we cuddle up watching Toy Story for the millionth time, I feel gratitude. I dont` know about you but usually I feel so overwhelmed and guilty when I want to relax. The kitchen is a mess , toys are all over and I still need to get some work done.

SO WHAT AM I CHANGING you say? I have been waking up earlier, honestly I would get my butt u at 530 if Oaklee didn`t crawl out of bed as soon as he noticed me gone. Anyways, I get up 6/630 get oaklee some morning snacks, cereal , bananas , whatever , let him watch some singing show he likes. I know shame on me right? Am TV time OH THE HORROR. Then I head to do a quick workout . My husband is usually laying in bed he is not to much of am person. He can hear and see my son , no he is not alone ha!

This gives me so much more energy and when I get back I make breakfast, have coffee and do my gratitude writing and devotional while Oaklee eats. No its not always perfect sometimes I do it backwards but the thing is I wake up and do things so I start my day feeling good. If I can not get right to gym I listen to my podcast, and just do some me time.

THEN ON Tuesdays I do my scheduling and planning , why Tuesday? Because that works for me , thats when Oaklee goes to mothers day out! Then On Thursday, Oaklees second day at school, I do editing, writing and business work. My husbands schedule changes so whatever his day off is I work in the morning as well and try to save the afternoon for family time.

Now my schedule changes, its not the same , I have sessions, weddings and babies being born so I work HARD to stay on top of my schedule! This you guys was my biggest struggle, and something I did not do in 2018 that really affected me as a mom and a business . I have not found my personal perfect system , but I am getting there and the change feels so good!

ALREADY I have almost prebooked out Feb. Which was my Jan goal .

So I guess what I am saying is be kind to yourself, tomorrow is a new Day . Maybe start early with some gratitude!

Hope you all had a awesome HUMP day!

Little man,

Always looks way to cute with his backpack and lunch box!

why update your head shots, with me!

My mom has no idea just how strong she is. I am so proud of where she has come. And look how beautiful she is! 2019 get ready she just might change the world, so look out everyone!

I love helping with updating head shots. I find its so important no matter your field! I`m not very funny , I am pretty awkward BUT I do pretty good at getting some real smiles and casual poses for you! Cake bakers, real estate , home builders , mama bloggers , fitness instructors….. all of you out there, lets refresh your Instagram, twitters, Facebook, LinkedIn and websites.

I know that when I go to a page or grab a business card and see a head shot of someone if I will connect with them or not. That first feeling someone gets of you will be from that image of you , that vibe your putting of.

For me I love to capture peoples personalities. My mom is a super sweet , kind person and I feel like her images really reflect that! Her cards or LinkedIn account should not have a non smiley posed photo, its just not her! It is also not inviting, you want people to feel welcomed.

spring is one of my favorite times to refresh portraits. New beginnings, new looks , new year!

I love adding in lots of options for people to choose to from, for me personally I enjoy having some casual welcoming images on my blog, a little less formal!

Over Christmas when we went to visit her in Grapevine. By the way have ya`ll been out to Grapevine? Texas Christmas capital, it is SO STINKING CUTE. It is a must do for the holidays. Brings in the Christmas spirit , next year check it out! Until then , lets update your head shots , I see sunny weather heading our way , and I am READY for it! This was captured before one chilly night!

2019 , a year for some updated portraits!

Christmas Crafts

Oaklee and I had so much fun creating gifts for his teachers at his wonderful school! I love love creating art with him. He is always so into it and I am not sure anything else warms my heart as much as watching him create! Art is something that I hold dear to my heart and I want to add it into our family traditions each year!. We made everyone a ornament with his little hand print on it and then a cute mug for his teacher!

I`m not going to lie we had quite a few test rounds trying to get his hand print on a round ball … hahha lots of blobs happened before we got this skill down! But he was pretty darn proud once he saw his hand print on them!

We love making handmade gifts

I need to get oaklee a cute crafting smock but for now he rocks mamas alien T , tied up with a hair tie. Hey whatever works right?

oaklee painted the outside of a few of our mess ups,, this was his fave part of crafting!

We filled a couple with paint for mamas tree!

Some cute test hand prints!

I printed little hearts to put inside his ornament

Next fill up with Epsom salt and add your cute little notes!

Oaklees hand print was underneath!

A cute mug for his teacher!

The finished ornament! I loved how they came out! Ewww dont check out my nails, I have not had those done since Oaklee !

Merry Christmas everyone! We cant wait to craft some more and share with ya`ll , I’m thinking cookies next! Send me your ideas for some Two year old fun! we are thinking of a new years slumber party this year and would love some kiddo family fun ideas!

my hubs new ride

Wanted to brag on my sweet husband for a moment because I don`t think we couples do that as much as we should.

Around 8 years ago I bought myself a sweet little 2000 mazda pick up. Only 40,000 miles on that baby . Well long story short my hubs and I ended up sharing that truck for a couple years until I bought a techno pink Chevy spark and the mazda became his to drive. Ya`ll I loved that little Chevy, gas lasted forever, easy to park but my husband however hated that that was our car we had to take everywhere. BUT he still agreed to me getting it! After three years of marriage we decided to start a family and the chevy spark was not going to cut it. The back seat did not fit a car seat well and since the old mazda truck had no back seat that meant my hubs would have sometimes drive the awesome techno pink mini car when I had photography sessions. So he helped me buy a brand new suv. He has continued to drive that old little mazda for the last FIVE years to make sure I had something nice to get around in with our little boy.

This truck has been a trooper , but it was time. John drives a lot , and this little truck doesn’t like going over 65 or hills . We found him one we both loved, went to buy it , told them we would be there at 2 and it was in the process of being sold!!! To say John was bummed out is an understatement . HUGE tease he was finally getting his new truck and it was gone.

Then I found a couple more I knew he would love.

So on my birthday eve we got my hubs a sweet new red truck. He now owes me a date night in his new ride ;)

It might not sound like much , but this husband of mine is one of a kind. And very much deserved a new ride.

So anyways that is whats new in the Texas hill country life of the Rozemas.

AND check it out, the back has a cover perfect my sessions with crazy props ..hahahaha!!! Looks like I will get to take this red beast out!

That Hump day post

The response I got last week really humbled me. Like seriously you guys ! I honestly thought no one would really read my blog. I had so many ideas I could not wait to wright about last week but I got insanely busy. Not that it was a bad thing, this mom has been missing working, more than I honestly thought did. Not that I don`t work my butt off , staying home with with my toddler has honestly been harder then when I worked two jobs at a time. I guess in a way I work two jobs , my booger boy and my side hustle that has become more than a side hustle, finally!

Today I am thankful , so beyond thankful that I have the opportunity to do what I love. I am so driven to get better , to learn more and grow my business . Its so easy to make excuses , when my son is bigger I can work more or when we have more money I can invest more. Today is the day because to many times I wished I had started yesterday , pushed myself already.

Truly so thankful , and grateful because this time next year I will be so happy I started yesterday!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone , I hope that no matter where you are in your journey, whether your starting over , growing or just bettering you…I hope that you are grateful for what you have today. Don`t be so hard on yourself, invest in yourself. <3

My WHY. Whats yours?

BTW : Check out my BLack Friday deals! and subscribe to my email list! https://mailchi.mp/49acfefa6f39/black-friday-art-prints-and-more

Some verses I loved this am from my personal devotional for self growth:

Proverbs 15:22 Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed

James 1:25 One who looks intently and puts it into effect, will be blessed 

(Lifestyle changes are a result of focus and practice )

A little self help.

I have for a while now been wanting to start a blog that includes some personal stuff so you can all get to know me and why I love doing what I do. I am no writer, I just talk way to much in my head and have been going back and forth about blogging it for WAY to long now. And who knows , maybe some of you can relate.

(Dis-closer I want to start out by saying I love my family to death)

I am not where I want to be yet , but I am on the way. That is the drive in me, I know I can be more and my business will be more but you guys I am so grateful for the success that I have now. I have already learned so much and gone through so many trials with my business that even during the hard times I am so grateful they happened. I have been able to grow more each and every month! This has been hard , so much unseen work goes into growing my business and not giving up on me and caving into self doubt. A big thing that has helped me grow is investing in myself. That sounds so silly to write but it is so true. I get stuck so easily.

I moved out the day after graduation.

My home life during High school was hard, my childhood was not easy but that is another story. I was in such a negative environment . I was constantly being brought down. I was not perfect but I was a little girl trying to find herself being told horrible things day after day. It got to a point where if I came home my step mom left . and if she didn’t leave she was tearing me down . I felt like it was better if I was not home , because then maybe they would be happy. We got into physical fights but honestly the verbal abuse crushed me. As a senior I started to loose feeling, its like I was going numb to the world, but I never showed it to the outside people much.

I am by nature a happy person and have always tried to find the light in things. My mom is a recovered alcoholic and now 4 years sober, and you guys I am so proud of her! I struggle with telling that part of my story because I am so proud of her and don`t want her to ever think differently and now she is my best friend. I dont want her to hurt over our past because today i am good. I have forgiven and i have become me.

My childhood was full of scary moments , times we were forgotten places , times i was so scared but still just wanted to make sure my mom was okay. I don`t know what I would do if she was not around today. In high school she was not there much, especially mentally. I felt so lost when it came to the examples and the love I was receiving from my mother roles.

My dad was always my rock but during these times I don`t think he knew what to do , or how to help and he kind of checked out when things where bad.

I felt alone.

But this drove me. I was getting away and somehow I would make it on my own, no matter what. I knew that happiness should be there , that this was not going to be the life I was going to live. I knew there was another way to live, even if I could not see it yet.

Today`s podcast I listened to spoke to my heart. They asked , Why do so many people that have achieved a lot seemed to have gone through so much ? “when you walk through trauma, or have a hard childhood there are one of two paths. You are either going to be a victim and let it define you or this will be the leverage you need get to the place you are going” Yes and yes.

I am totally stealing this because it is so so true, I am me because of what I have walked through. If it wasn’t for how my parents struggled , I would not have become the person I am today. I know my parents love me and I love them, but I know this drive of mine would not be here if I didnt walk through some real hell first.

9 Years ago I left home the day after graduation by myself , with hardly a dime after I paid the security deposit and rent. I moved next to a place called “bum park” because that was the ONLY place that would rent to me and for a girl living alone, it was scary. I was not welcome to go back home if I had no money for food , or gas and I would not have gone back even if I was. I struggled. But I knew I would make it. I hustled . I worked at least 3 jobs at a time. I bought a camera on credit. I wanted so bad to be a photographer, I knew somehow these people where doing it and they were making a living. I went to the library and read every book , I asked amazing photographers for helped and picked their brains.

I moved to New Mexico a couple years after graduation so my high school sweet thing, now husband, could fight professionally. he wanted us to start fresh , get away . We got married at 22 and bought our first home 100% alone at 23. Nothing fancy but from our 420 sq ft apartment to a house that was all ours it was a dream! This was huge because you guys, if we had any money left over in our account after bills I felt like we where living the life, even if it was $10. I opened a studio with another amazing photographer and learned so so much! I was still hustling and working full time bartending as well as substitute teaching AND trying to start and run my studio.

I don not remember a time I was not dreaming . To this day I am still dreaming and it wont stop here. Luckily i have an amazing hub who has always believed in my wild dreams.

Three states later… we chose a random place to move that felt like a slice of heaven.

We now live in our dream lake front home off of Lake Travis and have a beautiful little Two year old boy. I told my husband that our next home would be right by water! manifesting to the universe.

I no longer have to work three plus jobs, i care for my baby boy and run my photography business that is continuing to grow. I have some big things i am working on , I can not wait to share the news!

Bless you if you read my story this far.

.. and I thank you Jesus for helping me to stay true to me.

How do i stay motivated today ?

So this girl , Rachel Hollis, who I think I would totally be friends if we met , she lives nearby me somewhere. my husband told me its not okay to grocery shop an hour from us in hopes of accidentally bumping into each other. Total embarrassing fan girl status but I think you HAVE to find that motivational speaker, that book , that pastor , that thing that helps you better yourself.

her book was on the top of my reread list as well as the podcast!

I listen to many, many podcasts and read many books. they give me courage and motivation to go again, even if it means STARTING over! Some other personal faves are, ed mylett , Jenna Kutcher as well as some marriage podcasts. Fierce marriage is a regular in my headphones,

Keep finding ways to grow, to find peace, to find happiness.

I love that my story does not define me but has made me grow, that has driven me to become the best I can and continues to motivate me to be better. I pray all of you with hard trails find a way to find peace, motivation and love.